veri veri depressed...the usual self has been gone or overshadowed...

went to mai's party yesterday den to temple, supposedly in high spirits, juz a mere lovesick threshold has caused mi to lose my tantrum so easily, can't believe it, becoz of a gal tt i like and tink of, caused mi to lose temper and gave "barbaric" comments.....juz felt veri furious when my anger has been sparked.....lovesick, i dun want to tink abt her one, can't help it it was as if so terrible tt i cant live without her like tt, onli her can control my everything or wat, anyone reading this and mi myself will certainly scoff, weird stuffs to type abt rite, but it's true man, certainly authentic!!!! where is the normal ming chien hu alwaes like to be cheerful and smile? where is him, i have to find him....or wat nowadays, i alwaes put on a wide mask of smiles but inside mi was filled wif gloominess and depression....wat happens to mi...is this the outcome of the burdens of lovesickness and studies.....17 yrs old hu have to suffer such kind of torment!!! veri harsh, wat is the prob man???? now, i lose the control over my emotions, haiz well i will need to tt usually cheerful ming chien(xiao ming) back, where is him????

alwaes a 17????

haiz woke up early, so sianz no kids to teach, taught mandarin supposedly, mood getting better and better day by day.... feel the calmness in my mind, at least i would not explode, pimples did not burst out would be the best gift 4 mi....studied econs there in a quiet room without any single echoes, frm inflation to unemployment den to macroecons haha so many concepts to memorize, racking my brain to link these concepts to the logics....k having to meet kok leong soon on wed....long time no go out since we knew each other at flinders.... going to have coffee wif him and blah blah and all the convos we are going to have, nice person he is actually i tink, no intution but tis is how i think....well made mi tink of hai kiat.....not sure abt him he sort of veri insecure wif friendship...i wanted to help him, tell him dun piss pple off so easily by calling pple frequently...occasionally is okay....anywaes, 2day went to help out somewhere in the kitchen, might be due to my misinterpretation of xiaoping's instructions or she did not spread her message coherently, i did not do wat she wanted mi to do....did not get lectured onli got laughed at hahaha, suddenly rmb the blur mi last yr, in class veri reputable 4 being blur....tyco get through to sec 4 and tyco did well 4 o level with 12, haha having flashbacks "increasingly these days" weird siaz, wat on earth man? alwaes a 17? have i matured or getting even more like children...last yr cared abt going out wif my gang of pple, especially the days of "hazard training", not saying dun care about studies la but having the mettle to study but can't get over myself? a boy or young gentleman hu has no tots or wat so eva has now changed into someone hu alwaes tink so much, tinkng byond the present times....lolz...maybe tt is my personality, will be permanent...hahaha k tt's all, not gd at blogging, especially 4 my templates need krisna's help ar hahah....i want a change to my blogskin and add tagboard..haiz enough abt typing, out of here

resolutions.....

haha 2day slacking the first weekend of term 4, do wat watch tv (cricket and documentry stuffs)....sent the interest to attend the governor's party next friday: mua and my friend(mate) Jason. wonder the person respond or not....counting down to the days of reunion wif andy and don and gang.....all of us have changed or have we? don still obsessed wif kim wakerman, wonder andy still obsessed wif the bloody dutch...rmb he went to brash braza(did i get tt spelling rite?) to buy dutch jersey haha...den i got home late 4 tt tution of mine, den my tutor asked to have a gd rest den said ciao.....if pple at my age reading this blog, they will say the tutor pang seh mi. hahaha veri spasticated....juz a brain wave struck mi, causing mi having reminiscience of last yr....thinking tt veri insurmountable to get lotsa close friends but easy to get hi-bye friends(wat weiqi called it) made up of acquintance and casual friends. do they bear the same meaning? nvm heck care....ya tt's the pt....anywaes resolutions, trying to find resolutions to resolve the menace tt i mentioned on my posts....at least bring the euphoria to my "life" or at least clear my bewildered mind....y like tt ar, come here not all happy one not smiling everyday as in sg, not as cheerful as b4 haha....nvm at least i have generated resolutions(not ripe yet) hahaha soon it will be materialized.....day by day going by wonder wat happens to the world where i lived in 4 16 yrs and wat it will be like when i go back there...all i noe is i am meeting many friends there(regardless of bradford ones but also all others)

haha day.....

veri distraught yesterday, being so eccentric, thinking of stuffs tt a typical 17-year old boy dun tink of. Haiz, 2day damn special go skool at 8am, watch this bollywood movie "monsoon wedding", one character likes to eat flowers as if he eats it for three meals a day, wth!!!!! den have maths lesson....after skool go 4 a seminar abt applying 4 PR wif kalai and lawrence....actually tink tt the seminar is pathetic to mi....nth much also go there take notes and ciao liao, at first tot dun want apply PR one but for benefits of some pple, den go see see lor.....haha the funniest part is here....i was sitting at the centre, lawrence on my right and kalai on my left. lawrence busily taking down notes, i just sit there and listen while kalai went to sleep haha....kalai keep asking mi how many slides more...lolz imagine lawrence and kalai belong to 2 different extremes frm enthusiastic to sleeping(not paying attention)....come to tink of it.....lawrence is like caring abt applying 4 PR in future, while kalai onli cared abt quenching his exhaustion or generating more energy 4 the long walk to cinatown after the seminar.... heed 3dwin's advice yesterday, thinking abt it in depth and felt much better 2day haha....a happy full spot to the first week of the last term...

sianz....

haiz....a day of boring....pissed off by things tt causes mi to get paranoid....paranoid about so many things, feeling better now, haiz 6 weeks to go to SWOTVAC...thinking of so many things since this yr, last yr i felt so carefree, maybe i shld say this yr i am much jyu an si wei haha thinking of the dangers even though i am in a safe position...how to say man....am i problematic these days or wat..feel so inferior or relieved....if it is relieved, wat is it abt? lawrence said he had not seen mi going out wif gals b4 wat the prob? well studies, another thing to worry about, my parents exerting pressure on mi, causing detrimental effects on mi.....i noe tt they have high expectations of mi but tt adds a load of burden i need to carry....will i rate the effect of this burden "CATASTROPHIC"......sometimes hearing about my mum's nagging about gals and relationship made mi feel veri sianx...feel tt i am in a dilemma rite now shld i give up a relationship or pursue it?

66 days to go back to sg, back to meet my sg friens, i had this mentality tt i shld go back sg this dec and i have den have 2 mths to get "relationship" or wat, but i am confused now wif my feelings and so many stuffs....contemplating these days, other than this and studies, there are so many things i have been contemplating about haiz....dilemmaa.......i am outta here....